If you’re an expat, some things that aren’t too typical start to look normal. Can you relate to any of these?
Duolingo
This screen has become very familiar as you desperately try to re-learn all that Spanish you never actually absorbed in high school. After a while, it turns from a language learning tool to an obsession….
As a bonus, buildings without emergency exits do, in fact, become commonplace. As do the lack of smoke detectors, hot water, and electricity.
2. You drive like a maniac
Right side of the road, wrong side of the road, middle of the road, not even on the road. Everyone else drives like a kangaroo on seven Red Bulls, and so do you, now.
3. Your change purse looks like this.
Seriously, if I take that Kenyan shilling from Ben’s high school laundry money stash to the laundry room one more time, I am going to fling the entire washing machine out the window.
4. Knock-offs
You can’t tell me this isn’t J.C. Penny in disguise.
5. Your passport is like our third arm
Your passport is literally worth more than your entire net worth combined. You would rather fall off a cliff into a moat full of hungry sharks while wearing a flaming straight jacket than loose that thing.
What are some other signs that you might be an expat? Tell me in the comments!
Happy birthday! You’re looking good for 240. Sorry I had to miss celebrating this one with you, but I hope to be there for the big quarter-century next decade.
You know, I think I like you better now that we’ve been apart for a year. I guess I sort of took you for granted when I couldn’t get away from you. Now that I’m gone, I appreciate you a lot more.
You’ve done some strange things lately, and there’s a lot we should talk about, but today’s not the day for that. Today’s a day for me to tell you how much I love you.
I do love you, I’ve found. I never really loved you until I left you. I guess I didn’t have anything to compare you to. But let me tell you, I know now how lucky I am to be a part of you.
America, you are beautiful. You have virtually every kind of biome within your borders. You cover the plains, the hills, the mountains, the deserts, the tundra, the beaches, and the tropical forests. Even better, you have every kind of people within your borders. You are beautiful.
America, you’re great to live in. International comparisons say your food kind of stinks, but you do well in quality of life, equality, innovation, education, and freedom. And you’re always pushing to do better.
America, you stand out globally. Of all the nations in the world that receive immigrants and refugees, you’re among the best at integrating people and upholding their well-being and their rights. It’s expected of you, and you do your best to deliver. I didn’t recognize that until I left. I didn’t see how unusual it is, because to me, it just makes sense to operate that way.
America, you’re a good place to be able to go home to. It’s nice to know that I could always go home without any trouble. It’s good to have a passport from you that opens so many doors. It’s good to be confident of the freedom to move from place to place, to speak without fear, and assemble with others as I please.
America, I miss you some days. Some days I don’t. But I’m always glad to know I belong to you. I keep the Stars and Stripes on my wall, right next to the flag of my new home. I used to see the flag every day, and I never thought twice about it. Now, I am glad whenever I see it. It’s strange; I usually see it everywhere on your birthday, but today I only saw it on a Digical ad and on a French man’s t-shirt! I miss seeing it fly high and proud on a pole on every corner.
Happy birthday, America. I hope you make good choices this year. It’s sad to think that this could be one of your worst years, but I’m praying that it will be one of your best. Happy birthday. I’ll see you soon!
Before I left the United States, there were a lot of things I took for granted. I guess everyone thinks their own life is pretty typical until they get a taste of something else.
1. Traffic lights. We have a single traffic light in the entire country of Sint Maarten. It spends half its life blinking yellow. Here, we have few intersections and a lot of round-a-bouts. It’s actually a much better system, and a lot fewer accidents occur because of it.
2. Refrigerated milk. You can get refrigerated milk here, but not every grocery store carries it. I always buy ultra heat-treated (UHT) milk. It’s cheaper, safer, and easier, especially since we get so many power outages. Also, I can stick several cases on the fridge and use them as I need them.
3. Electricity. Speaking of power outages, we get them a lot. Our single power plant can only handle so much at once. So we go without water and/or power on a regular basis.
4. Air conditioning. I grew up in Phoenix, Arizona where air conditioning is literally vital for life. Here, we like to use it now and then but we could certainly live without it. Our apartment complex took almost two months to fix our unit last summer when it died. We were OK; we have a nice trade winds breeze that we welcomed through open doors and windows.
5. Multiple traffic lanes. Unlike Phoenix’s six-lane highways, Sint Maarten has a basic two-lane road going all the way around the island. Passing anyone is an adventure.
6. Self-defense weapons. I used to carry mace everywhere I went. That’s just what you do in Phoenix if you’re walking around alone. I can’t carry anything here– not mace, not a pocket knife, not even a chair. Well, realistically I can carry a chair, but not legally. If you could whack someone in the head with it, you can’t legally carry it down the street. People will make weapons with anything, though– the supermarket next door once got held up by a guy with a stick.
7. Private beaches. There are no private beaches here! Every strip of sand on this island is public property. I took my dog to one of the less beautiful beaches this afternoon. There were a dozen locals there and me. And it’s a Saturday. If that beach was in the States, it would have been PACKED because so many good beaches are privately owned and the rest are perpetually filled. Here, you can enjoy the most incredible strips of paradise no matter your paycheck. I love that about Sint Maarten.
8. Sales tax. Yes, there is no sales tax here! Hooray for no math! Oh, and for not paying extra for stuff.
No matter where you go, there will always be something better and worse about it than the last place you lived. I guess the moral to the story is that wherever you are, enjoy the good things about that place instead of focusing on the bad things. There’s so much to appreciate in life!
Moving overseas is a difficult experience. But it doesn’t have to be horrible. Last year, my friend Emily Montgomery moved from the United States to the Arab world. Along the way, she has learned a lot about herself, God, and the world. Here is her advice to you.
Brace yourself.
Put into words what you imagine about the new culture. Be specific! Write the story of your life in this new place. Where do you see yourself living? What will your work be like? Who will be your friends? What will you struggle with most?
Now go one step below the surface to identify your expectations. For example, as I imagined life overseas before I moved, I foresaw lots of busyness and little time to rest.
Expectation: My life will be as full and varied as it was at home.
Reality: The pace of life in the new culture, the size of my social group, and my role at work was entirely different than in my home culture. This was a missed expectation!
If you’re a starry-eyed optimist like me, take a careful look at what is going on in your imagination. It’s not wrong to hope for amazing things—be excited about the possibilities! But, don’t set yourself up for disappointment by going into a cultural transition blind to what you’re really expecting.
You’re not dying.
Before I moved, I asked for advice from anyone who had lived overseas before. Several times I was told, “It’s like you die and are reborn into the new culture. Grieve that death and let go of who you used to be.”
I’m sure they meant well, but that advice was detrimental for my transition.
Instead of being excited and grateful about the biggest adventure of my life, I was mourning. I cried every day in the weeks before I moved. When I finally got to my new home overseas, I was not happy to be there. I was emotionally wrung out!
Looking back, I’d tell my pre-expat self to expect a lot of change. Relationships look different long-distance, I took on new roles, even my personality shifted.
But, my old self isn’t dead. In my overseas home, I’ve discovered new sides of who I’ve always been that are only visible in this context. What a gift!
Who you are does not change because of where you live. You’re not dying—you’re growing.
Tell the true story.
At the darkest point of my transition, everyone told me how normal it is to struggle. At the time, that didn’t make me feel much better.
What did help was when a friend, listening to my meltdown, asked, “What’s actually happening here?”
That stopped me in my tracks.
It forced me to look at the reality of the situation instead of just repeating the dramatic story I had been telling myself. When I looked closely, I could identify core issues and spot areas of spiritual warfare. I was empowered to fight back.
When you’re in the thick of transition, emotions are heightened. The highs are exuberating and the lows are debilitating. Find friends who will listen well, but then ask you to tell the true story.
Hint: If you hear yourself using generalizations, you might be telling a version of reality that’s clouded with a lot of amped-up emotions. Take a deep breath and rephrase it.
“Men here never treat me with respect” becomes “In this culture, men don’t show women respect in ways that are familiar to me”. This reveals a major area of cultural tension that you can explore. When do you feel respected? Ask a local girlfriend the same question. You’ll probably find that in reality, just your perspective needs to change.
Don’t listen to doubts.
I questioned my decision to move overseas at least once a day during my first season of culture shock. I was sure I had misheard God’s instructions, acted impulsively, or simply needed to “get it out of my system” and I should go home now.
I heard a quote somewhere that became my mantra for the battles against doubts. “Never question in the dark what was shown to you in the light.”
God invited me into a different culture after a specific time of seeking direction. The decision was confirmed and supported by my spiritual leaders. I had completed trainings and preparation courses. All of that happened in the “light” before the transition.
It wasn’t until I fully resigned myself to being overseas for the full length of my assignment that I found peace. I stopped imagining what would happen if I gave up and moved home. My heart finally settled into making the best of what I had.
If you’ve committed to being overseas for a specific length of time, just assume that is still what God is asking you to do, even when it gets hard. Don’t consider doing anything else. If God wants you to break your commitment early, he is capable of getting your attention to tell you.
Get in your zone.
I define a comfort zone as a situation where I know what is expected and I am capable of succeeding. In my own culture, I subconsciously orchestrated my interactions so I spent most of my time in my comfort zone.
That handy little ability is not possible when you enter an unknown cultural context.
Right after I moved, I had an identity crisis that lasted several months. Because I was not operating from within my comfort zone, I wasn’t acting like myself.
I was often surprised by my responses. Experiences that used to excite me no longer did. The limits of what I could handle in certain situations were different than they had been in my own culture. It was so disorienting.
And then I started to develop a comfort zone in my new context.
As things became more familiar and I learned the cultural norms around me, some of my old traits began to reemerge. My confidence started to reappear slowly.
There will always be some parts of your comfort zone that cannot translate to the new culture. So, parts of your personality will only come out when you visit home. But, there are also new layers to yourself that you never saw before, that only exist in the new context.
Be brave and engage the new culture. It will be uncomfortable at first, but remember that you are expanding the zone where you can truly be yourself. It’s worth it!
Sint Maarten’s Book Fair is probably the coolest book fair on the planet. Not only does it showcase local authors, it also features many activities and seminars. I was so glad to be able to go to one of the days!
My friend Lisa knows about all the cool stuff to do on the island. She writes the Weekender section of The Daily Herald, so she knows all the events and goes to experience them and take photos. She sometimes invites me to go along with her, and I always have a great time!
There were several local authors who set up booths at the fair. I got to meet a couple of them:
This is Montague Kobbe. He writes historical fiction novels that are set in St. Martin and the surrounding Caribbean islands. I really wanted to buy one, but that will have to wait for a season of life when I have a real job. The books have good reviews, and I’m looking forward to reading them someday.
This is Heddrick McBride. He writes children’s books with main characters who look like Caribbean kids. If you’ve ever looked at the children’s section at the library, you may have noticed that most of the kids in the books are white. Very few feature black families or Caribbean culture. Mr. McBride saw that need and filled it. It’s awesome for the kids on the island to have good books about kids who look like them! You can find his books online here.
We use some of his books at Player Development SXM as reading material for the kids we tutor. As you can see, they enjoy them!
Roland and Laura Richardson were also there, selling the cookbook from Temptations Cafe that Roland illustrated with his paintings. Some of Laura’s poems are in there, too!
After visiting with the authors, I followed Lisa to a poetry reading under the gazebo. It was actually more like spoken word, and I had a great time! I wished that I had planned ahead and brought a poem to read, too. Lisa read a poem in public for the first time ever! It was really good.
We managed to catch the last seminar of the event. It was about how science fiction drives science fact. The panel discussed topics like technology, the mind, and how today’s ideas shape the destiny of the future. It made me a little sad that my master’s degree is online. I forgot how much I miss listening to and discussing academic lectures. It was a privilege to hear ideas from some of Sint Maarten’s great minds.
If you’re in Sint Maarten next June, be sure to check out the book fair! I’m sad that we’ll be gone before then, but I’m so glad I could be a part of it this year.
Carnival is the biggest event of the year in the Caribbean! The island of Saint Martin is no different, and we’re lucky enough to get it twice: once on the French side and once on the Dutch side. Unfortunately, I missed all the festivities on the French side, but I did catch a few things on the Dutch side! My friends and I went to the light parade and Ben and I went to the children’s parade. We also went to the apex of Carnival: the grand Carnival parade!
The parade is filled with elaborate costumes of feathers and glitter. The colors swirled around us and music pulsed in our ears, drawing us in to the heartbeat of the festival.
The parade (and most of Carnival, really) is centered around the sensuality of a woman’s body. With so much focus on sensuality, I felt that the appreciation of people for who they are was lost somewhere behind the sequins and paint. Since this is a family-friendly blog, I want to present a different angle on Carnival than the typical. This post is a study on beauty: not the transient beauty of the revealed body, but the authentic, lifelong beauty of humanity. They say that the eye is the window to the soul, so I have decided to focus this photographic undertaking on the beautiful faces of the people in the parade. I hope that as you look at these beautiful faces, you will reflect on the wonderful miracle that is embodied in each person.
“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations – these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit – immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously – no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.”
-C.S. Lewis
“So God created human beings in His own image. In His own image He created them, male and female He created them.” -Genesis 1:27
