It’s Always Goodbye

July 30, 2016Expats, Expats and TCKs, Third Culture Kids, UncategorizedExpat, family, good bye, hope, in-laws, kids, missionaries, missionary, missionary kid, nephews, nieces, sadness, TCK, third culture, third culture kids, travelbreanamjohnson@gmail.com

Marrying into a missionary family is hard. It’s the most wonderful thing in almost every way, but it is so hard to always have to say goodbye. For third culture kids, who grew up in another culture and lived a life of transition and change, goodbyes have always been a part of life. Ben and his family are all third culture kids, with the exception of myself and two other in-laws. They’re so used to this goodbye thing, and they’re so good at it. They know how to leave with grace and meet up again and start right where they left off. I’m not good at good byes. They are the hardest thing in the world for me.

This last Johnson family reunion has been particularly hard, because each family left one-by-one, and I was the last to go. Every time someone left, I’d say my goodbyes and then find somewhere to be alone and cry.

The hardest people to say goodbye to are the kids, especially the littlest ones. We adults are okay at all staying in touch, despite lack of good internet. We video chat with them, and we write to them, and everybody’s on Facebook and email, but none of the nieces and nephews are old enough for that yet. We only get to see them when we actually see them. Since the Johnson family lives in six different countries, we see them only every couple of years. There’s a lot of growing up that happens during those years, and I’m missing it. I’ll meet a baby who’s crawling around on the floor, and the next time I see her, she’s running around the house and telling me all about her favorite princesses. I’m missing the little tea parties, I’m missing the end-of-school-year ice creams, I’m missing lazy Saturdays at the beach and dinners together. With every turn of the calendar is another two or three birthdays come and gone, and I wasn’t there.

It stinks that I have to spend the first day or so of every family reunion getting to know the kids all over again. I have to gently let them warm up to me, and I have to re-introduce myself to the littlest ones for the second or third time. They have no idea that I think about them and miss them every day of their lives. And then when I finally get to see them, it’s for just a few days and then we’re all off to our own corners of the world again. How am I supposed to form close relationships like this? How am I supposed to be a significant part of their lives in I can’t even see them but once every two or three years? Even when we do move to Africa, we’ll only live near one or two families at a time. And by the time we get there, the oldest ones will be in high school. Sometimes I wonder, will that be too late? Will I have missed out entirely by then? It’s not fair to love someone so much and to be so far away. I have to let my heart break over them again and again.

In my perfect world, Ben’s whole family and my whole family would all live in the same place as us. We’re so lucky that everyone on both sides gets along and genuinely likes each other, and I just wish we could take advantage of that all the time! We’d have big family dinners every week. We’d share all the holidays. I’d get one-on-one time with every kid. I’d get to hang out all the time with our parents, my sister and Ben’s siblings. And nobody would have to say goodbye.

I’ve learned something important about goodbyes from my TCK family: goodbyes are never forever. Even if my dream of being close geographically will never come true while we’re alive, Jesus’ death and resurrection has made it possible for us all to live that way forever in Heaven. I don’t know if I’ll ever stop crying about goodbyes, but focusing on eternity rather than this temporary situation will help me to cope with this ever-transient lifestyle we live. Furthermore, it will keep my eyes on Jesus and on the end goal of glorifying the Lord and enjoying him forever. When that day comes, I’ll spend all eternity worshipping the Lord with my family—and never have to say goodbye again. What a beautiful hope.

Bonfire

July 29, 2016Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, New York, Third Culture Kids, United Statesbonfire, campfire, family, farm, fire, marshmallows, New York, rehearsal dinner, smores, summer, weddingbreanamjohnson@gmail.com

Crackling flames, melting chocolate, and campfire songs. All the sounds and smells of summer are wrapped up in a bonfire under the stars. When the Johnson and Brown /Wilson families got together for Stevie and Kirsten’s wedding, we all gathered on the lawn of the farmhouse for a bonfire before the big day.

Both families love to spend time together singing Gospel songs, reading the Bible, and praying. On the Johnson side, this time of family devotions is a nightly tradition that is being passed down through generations. We love to sing family classics that Ben’s mom wrote down years ago for his dad as a wedding gift. We also sing songs that Ben’s brother, Jesse, wrote, as well as French, Swahili, and Kirundi songs. With so many people from around the world present, we were able to sing some of the hymns in multiple languages, including American Sign Language, Spanish, and Arabic. Several of the family and friends present took turns leading worship songs to thank God for the good things He has done in our lives and praise Him for who He is.

Check out the guitar Luke is playing. Jesse had it made out of an old hand-carved guitar neck and heavy-duty can.

When the prayers had been said and the singing died away into the night, the smell of melted chocolate and roasted marshmallows began to permeate the air.

It was time for the time of day that the kids looked forward to most! Okay, I’ll be real– I was probably more excited about the marshmallows than the kids were. But I was good and I didn’t sneak more marshmallows than I was entitled to.

One by one, the chairs emptied. The fire died down to embers, and a lone guitar played soft tunes in the fading light. Ben poured water over the glowing embers, and they extinguished with a slow hiss. All around me, the fireflies flickered silently in the night. Inside the barn, the horse stomped his feet in the damp hay. I looked up and sighed with awe. Above me, a billion points of light pierced the velvety black of the night sky. It had been a long time since I’d seen the stars so clearly, and I could hardly look away. Even that night, as I lay in bed in the farmhouse, I kept my drooping eyelids open long enough to drink in the sight of the big dipper shining on me through the open window.

Cousins Camp at the Farm

July 29, 2016Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, New York, Third Culture Kids, United Statesadventures, animals, boating, camp, country, cousins, cow, explroe, family, fields, friends, fun, hammock, horses, New York, pont, rural, swing, tire swingbreanamjohnson@gmail.com

IT WAS A PLAIN TWO STORY FARM HOUSE
I WISH TIME DID NOT GO BY SO FAST,
OH, THE MEMORIES OF THOSE YEARS LONG AGO
JUST TREASURES OF MY CHILDHOOD LONG PAST.

-Adine Cathey

Every other year, the Brown grandkids come to the farm in New York to spend a week or so at “Cousin Camp.” This year, the Johnson kids were fortunate enough to be a part of this tradition! We were all staying on the Brown farm for my brother-in-law Stevie’s wedding to Kirsten, one of the Browns’ granddaughters.

One of the Cousin Camp activities is decorating t-shirts for the event. The kids loved this, of course! Each shirt was unique and creative, and all of them said “Cousins Camp 2016” on the back to commemorate the occasion.

The Brown side of the family stayed at Grandma and Grandpa Brown’s farmhouse, and the Johnson family got to stay at Jeff and Lindsay’s house down the street. The new house wasn’t quite finished, so we got to help a bit in the process of building the house, which they are building themselves from scratch. I came later than most people, so all I did was sand a couple of window frames, but it was still cool to be a small part of the process! It was so generous of Jeff and Lindsay to let us stay in the house– they had 19 Johnsons staying there for almost an entire week! They had even left us things like shampoo and a coffee maker. What I loved most about the house was the little girl’s room. It looks out into a field with grazing horses. I could imagine her waking up ever day and looking outside on the wildflowers and horses– so wonderful!

I loved the rural neighborhood. It is so quintessentially rural American, with sprawling lawns, bales of hay on the fields, and signs for fresh milk and eggs at the end of long dirt driveways. If I didn’t want to live overseas, this would be my dream. Naturally, I took full advantage of the time in the country, and so did everyone else. It was a great place to run, and it is safe, which is a nice change from home.

The kids, of course, were most thrilled by all the water activities of Cousins Camp. They loved fishing in the pond (as you can see by Zach’s enthusiastic fist-pumping) and splashing each other in the pool.

The farm is a fantastic summer getaway. There is so much to do there, and none of it includes screens or electronics. In fact, I didn’t have internet or much cell service the entire time I was there! And guess what? I hardly missed it. It was refreshing to my soul to have to unplug for a week.

Every day, there was something new to discover. I snapped peas, fed a calf, got a new bread recipe… even hanging laundry on an outdoor line for the first time in a decade was fun and fresh to me.

I guess I’m sort of a city slicker now, but I remember a time from my childhood when we lived in the country and could spend our days gathering wildflowers in the field and chasing cottontail bunnies. Oh, to be little and in the country! It was so nice to be able to relive some of those memories with my nieces and nephews.

One of the most wonderful parts of the whole experience was the sense of belonging that permeated the entire week. The Brown side of the family treated us Johnsons just like their own side of the family. We got the same welcome and the kids got the same treatment. I had to stay a couple of extra days after the rest of the Johnsons left, and the Brown/ Wilson family invited me to stay in their house and made me a part of their family. I’m not even their in-law (does that make me their out-law?), and I still got a family welcome. Even the kids accepted me like family and invited me to do this or that with them.

I got a whole new branch of extended family. It’s a picture of how Jesus has made us all one family, despite our last names or bloodlines.

The whole week was so much fun. You can see by all the smiles that everyone had a great time! What kid (or kid at heart) doesn’t love being barefoot and berry-stained?

New York Waterfall Adventure

July 28, 2016International Travel, Nature, New York, Third Culture Kids, United Statescaves, family, hike, kids, nature, New York, pools, rural, water, waterfall, waterfallsbreanamjohnson@gmail.com

Away from the hustle and bustle of New York City life is a serene world of natural beauty. It came as a bit of a surprise to me that New York State could offer such a wonderful wilderness. As a West-Coast girl, I tend to think of New York as one giant metropolis. Not anymore! While I was in Springfield Center with my family, I discovered the wild side of New York.

The day of Ben’s brother’s wedding, I went with my sisters- and brothers-in-law to Robert B. Woodruff Learning Center, a waterfall hike near the farm where we stayed. The kids needed to get their wiggles out before the ceremony, and some of us still hadn’t seen the falls yet.

This day also happened to be Uncle Don’s birthday, so it was fun to get to all do something together with him.

Beside the falls are a series of natural caves. The kids were excited to go spelunking through them! They are deep enough to be interesting, but not deep enough to be dangerous, so they were able to run free through the natural playground. Micah discovered a hole that went from the bottom of the caves to the top, so of course everyone climbed through that several times. It reminded me of the secret entrance to the subterranean house in Peter Pan.

Once everyone had their fill of caves, we headed down to the falls. Okay, let’s be real—no kid ever has their fill of caves. But once we convinced everyone to clamber down the wooden staircase to the water, they forgot all about the caves and began to dare each other to swim from the shore to the falls in the freezing cold water.

A little further downstream, past the main falls, there is another wide fall that is covered in moss. The green carpet makes the falls comfortable and easy to walk on, so you don’t have to worry about slipping down them. We could safely walk right down through the bubbling stream of water to the pools below. The pools would be great for swimming, but none of us adults were willing to jump in the water like the kids were, although a couple did walk under the main falls.

The kids wandered around and found interesting things to catch their attention. Zach found some insect larva in one of the pools. Micah walked around with a great big Gandalf walking stick until he discovered fishing line and a hook. Carl and Linden learned to skip rocks with their dad, and Layla rolled up a great big green, fuzzy “allergy ball” from the algae on the rocks.

It was time to go all too soon! We said goodbye to the caves and the falls and walked back up the path, through the school, past the garden, and to the car. Who knew New York could have such beautiful nature?

Pedi Party

July 28, 2016International Travel, New York, United Statesfamily, friends, mani, manicure, nail art, nails, New York, pedi, pedicure, weddingbreanamjohnson@gmail.com

There’s nothing a girl loves more than to spend time getting pretty with friends and family!

In preparation for Stevie’s and Kirsten’s wedding, all of us ladies went out for some pampering. Brooke, a longtime friend of the Johnson family, decided to treat us all! It was time for some fun and memory making. We all piled in the van and drove through the country, into the town, and to the nail salon.

Some of use decided to go for pedicures and manicures both, and others chose one or the other. I decided to get a gel manicure, because I’m pretty hard on my hands and tend to chip off my nail polish within hours. It’s been a week since I got it done, and my nails still look great! I chose a mint color with a bluish tint that matched my dress for the wedding exactly.

We all had a great time! It was the perfect way to relax and enjoy one another’s company before the big day. Don’t we look pretty with our polished nails?

The Last Wedding

July 27, 2016Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, New York, Third Culture Kids, Uncategorized, United Statesbarn, ceremony, family, farm, front yard, handmade, Johnson, marriage, married, New York, reception, romance, romantic, rural, weddingbreanamjohnson@gmail.com

Well, it’s official—all the Johnson kids are married! Jesse and Joy were the first to get married 14 years ago almost to the day, and Stevie and Kirsten tied the knot last week, about two years after we did. The wedding was lovely, and it was a huge blessing to be there for it. My brother-in-law Jacob thought that “The Last Wedding” would be a good title for a blog post, so here you go!

Kirsten and Stevie met in high school at Rift Valley Academy, the Kenyan boarding school that Ben and all his siblings attended through high school. They met and started dating in 2010. I met both Stevie and Kirsten during my RVA visit in 2013. Stevie proposed on Lake Kivu in Rwanda last year, after their second year of long-distance dating in college.

Kirsten’s grandparents live on a farm in New England, and the wedding was held in the front yard.

The flowers are all wildflowers that Kirsten and her bridesmaids picked from the rural countryside around the farm. The orange lilies were particularly lovely.

Ben was a groomsman, and a rather dashing one! I loved the African cloth ties that the men in the wedding party wore. It was a nice touch of Tanzania to represent Stevie’s childhood.

The ceremony was beautiful. My nieces Esther and Emily were flower girls, they did a great job.

The pastor gave a wonderful message on love and the hand of God in our lives. Stevie and Kirsten’s relationship is and always has been centered around their love for God and for each other. It’s been cool to watch as their relationship has grown and finally come to result in the beautiful marriage we witnessed.

The bride and groom decided to do a sand ceremony, but with jelly beans instead of sand. One of our nephews, who shall remain anonymous, admitted to me in a whisper that he swiped one or two after the ceremony.

The Johnson family sang a song from Mom’s songbook during the ceremony. Unfortunately, my video didn’t catch everyone in the frame, but most of us are there!

Kirsten’s mom and aunt also sang a song together.

The parents gathered around the bride and groom to pray over them and their marriage.

And finally, the moment that Stevie and Kirsten had dreamed about for years: The vows and the pronouncement of husband and wife!

After the ceremony was the reception. We ate homemade chicken tika, rice, salad, and veggies. As you can see, the tables were decorated to reflect Kenya, where Kirsten and Stevie met.

We took lots of pictures with the barn as our backdrop. So lovely. I found out later that the barn was only chosen as a background because it was the only place with shade. It really couldn’t have turned out better, though. The red of the barn contrasted nicely with the bride’s white dress and the bridesmaids’ navy blue sundresses.

After the wedding paparazzi had subsided, it was time for toasts, cake, and celebrating.

One of Kirsten’s aunts made the wedding cake. She even made the edible flowers on top—they aren’t real flowers, believe it or not! They look like the Gerber daisies that the bridesmaids held during the ceremony. The cake stands are made from a tree that Kirsten chose in the forest, as are the stumps that lined the aisle for the ceremony.

The wedding favors were bags of Kenyan chai. This is the best kind of tea in the world. You steep the tea in scalding water, then add almost the same amount of milk as there is tea, and finish it will a ridiculous heap of sugar. A little chai masala sprinkled on top creates perfection. Then you dip your toast or mandazi (doughnuts) in it.

The bubbles on the table were intended for the getaway line, but the kids couldn’t help breaking into them during dinner.

All of the wedding party introduced themselves and gave a toast. As usual, Ben was hilarious. He has quite the collection of funny stories about the adventures of Ben and Stevie.

At the end, Stevie and Kirsten sang a song together. You can’t tell from the photo, but Luke and Lisa accompanied on guitar and drum.

When it was time for the bride and groom to go, we all stood at the edge of the driveway and blew bubbles for them. If was fun to watch as the grown-ups had just as much fun with the bubbles as the kids did! We waved goodbye as they drove away in a cloud of bubbles and balloons.

Breana's Blog

A writer's adventures around the world