Category Archives: AUC

The One about Grad School

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Hi everyone, I am still alive and well!

I have received some emails and texts recently from people who are concerned that I have disappeared from the internet. Thank you guys, that means a lot! It has been a while since I’ve blogged or posted on Facebook. I guess there’s a reason that most people announce that they’re taking a break for a while!

 

 

Honestly, though, I didn’t take a break intentionally. I’ve just been really busy and exhausted lately. That’s the thing about grad school, at least in my experience– sometimes you have nothing to do for school and you have a lot of free time, but you can’t fill that up with regular activities because when the workload comes, it drops like an anvil from a cartoon sky scraper.

As some of you know, I have been working to earn a master’s degree in Refugee Protection and Forced Migration Studies from University of London. I am attending classes online, which has been convenient in terms of frequent and short-notice moves but very difficult in terms of getting the full grad school experience, including academic support.

 

 

Although it has been very difficult, I’ve managed to pass all my classes and learn a lot about my subject area. This past semester has been pretty intense. I have been working three jobs, and between that at the reading assignments, my life has been pretty busy. And I’ll be honest–after staring at a computer screen for up to 15 hours a day, I don’t really have the motivation to type any more.

 

 

We also have had a weird schedule this semester, which makes it hard for us to get out and do stuff. Ben’s doing his surgery rotation for med school right now. He is gone at least 12 hours a day. We get up a 3:45 a.m. so that he will have time to eat breakfast, warm up the car, and drive to the hospital through the ice and snow. I have been taking advantage of the early hours to teach more classes for VIPKID. I’ll be honest, though, I don’t really mind the early hours because I love my job! It’s easy to start the day early when you’re doing it with a smile and a happy kid on the other side of the screen.

 

Click here to learn how to work for VIPKID

 

At the beginning of this month, I took the hardest final I’ve ever done. It consisted of two 4,000 word essays on political science topics. Since it was worth 70% of my overall semester grade and I only had ten days to do it, it was pretty intense. It wasn’t fun, but I feel pretty accomplished that I managed it and I think I turned out some of my best work yet. I hope my teachers agree! I jumped from that back into work on my dissertation, which is worth 70% of my overall grade for my degree. As you can imagine, it’s a lot of pressure. I signed up for it, though, and I’m determined to finish strong!

 

 

My dissertation is due on March 26, so until then I’ll probably lay low. I am looking forward to the end of March, when Ben’s surgery rotation ends, my dissertation is submitted, and the snow melts! This season of life is good, but I won’t be sad to see it go. March means exploring Detroit and blogging more! I can’t promise I’ll write much until then, and I hope you’ll come back around once this blog comes out of hibernation again.

About Survivor’s Guilt

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten

This is a short one, I promise. But maybe it’s one you can relate to, as well.

If you read my last couple posts, you know that the horrific destruction of St. Martin by hurricane Irma was devastating to me. It was really hard for me to cope at all for about a week after the storm hit.

I felt so guilty, so angry, so stupid for having trouble coping when I was even personally affected by the storm. I was a little offended at my own reaction, and I was afraid other people would be, as well.

And then something unexpected happened. Other people were having the same feelings I was. Other people were hitting the same mile markers of grief that I was. I got a lot of great supportive texts and emails from other people in the time between the hurricane and the time we actually had regular communication with the island again.

In the words of my husband, Ben, “It’s OK to feel what you feel.” An article on survivor’s guilt that my friend Lezlie sent me said that all these feelings are normal. The faster we allow them to surface, the faster we can be OK again.

So if you were practically unaffected by Jose, Irma, Harvey or Maria and you’re feeling grief and guilt that you don’t understand, it’s alright.

You can do something with those feelings, too. You take your compassion and sadness and turn them into love. Let’s love on these places that were hit by the hurricanes!

Here’s an article I wrote for The Vacation Times about helping St. Martin. Supporting my island will help me to heal, and it can help you to heal, as well.

 

Post Hurricane Thoughts

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten, Spouses Organization, Third Culture Kids, Uncategorized, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Well, I’m probably over-posting on Facebook about Hurricane Irma and the devastation it caused in Saint Martin. I have an awful lot to say about it, though, especially as new updates keep coming through. I figure if you want to know what I have to say about the situation, you’ll read this. And look– here you are!

 

Med Students are OK

After a semi-sleepless night a couple days ago and plenty of tears, I finally started hearing from friends who had been out of contact for a day after the storm.

The people who sheltered in American University of the Caribbean are safe, and not only that, anyone with any medical training (even first semester med students) are volunteering in a makeshift clinic! They even delivered a baby! What a birth story.

Many of the students, spouses and kids were able to evacuate to Puerto Rico. Many others, mostly students, stayed behind.

 

 

 

Tom and Lisa are OK

If you follow me on social media, you probably know a bit about Tom and Lisa Burnett, who ran Player Development Program in Sint Maarten.

I used to go there most days to tutor and mentor the kids. Player Development blew away and the pieces are yet to be found.

But Tom and Lisa (plus their four dogs) are safe! I could breathe easier after I found that out. Their neighborhood was hit very hard.

They survived the storm huddled on a mattress under their table, both of them plus of the four dogs. They stayed there all day, through the storm and even after their roof was ripped off. I am shaking right now just thinking about it.

 

 

 

Still Waiting to Hear from Local Friends

I started following more SXM residents on social media to keep up with videos and photos. Many people seem to be OK and in shelter, but strictly rationing food and water, and in perhaps in pain.

The need help but it is hard to know what to do. Samaritan’s Purse has a fund now, and I they are delivering much needed help! If you want to help, give to them. But I haven’t heard much else, although a friend of mine with a Canadian Rotary Club is planning to try to ship down supplies and suggested that I call my local airport to see which airlines are willing to ship relief supplies down.

I haven’t heard from too many people since the main cell tower was taken out by the storm, and the power company as well, I believe.

Our former foster son, Roland and Laura Richardson, the families from my baseball team, the foster homes, the staff at the medical school, and many other friends still aren’t online yet. So keep praying.

I just keep thinking about how bad I’ve been at communication lately. My life is so out of control right now and I put everyone else on the back burner. I guess you don’t realize you’re doing that until your friends are in a life-threatening situation and you remember that the last thing you said was some stupid thing about doughnuts or worse, nothing at all for the past few weeks.

There’s nothing like the fear that you might have lost someone to make you think of all the stuff you wish you said to them last week.

 

 

 

I’m Grieving

I think I’m going through the stages of grief. I’m partially in denial, because how can those photos be real when they don’t match my memories? That flooded street covered in debris was a sunlit lane when I walked down it just a few months ago.

I can close my eyes and go back to the way it was. I can see and hear and feel and smell every part of the island.

I can hear the way it sounds to knock on the door of one of my baseball kid’s house. In my mind it is still there.

I can feel the gravel at player development under my feet and see the books and toys and everything.

I can see the view from my old balcony like I am standing there again. Pretty sure that balcony blew away.

I can taste the shawarmas at Little Jerusalem and hear the “clink, clink” of Abe and Cathy chopping up meat on the grill.

But then there are those photos of the destruction, the videos of the looting. It’s hard to reconcile.

 

 

 

I Should Be There

And there is this overwhelming sense of guilt, because somehow I feel like I am supposed to be there.

Maybe I wouldn’t be saying this if I’d actually gone through it, but I’d rather have stuck out the day in AUC, where the hurricane shelter was strong and safe, than be here wondering and waiting and watching from afar.

I’d rather be out dragging palm fronds off the street right now. Or something else useful. Maybe that sounds dumb, and maybe it is dumb.

It’s stupid to want to be stuck on an island when so many people are suffering and desperately awaiting help and wanting to leave.

I feel stupid. And useless.

People reading this are probably going to think I’m trying to be some kind of weird martyr or something, but I think I’m just really emotional and stressed out.

I actually called Jet Blue yesterday to find out if I can fly down and when, but I couldn’t get through because they’re too busy handling the crisis.

I don’t even know what I would do if I did go. It’s not like they need more people to use up rations, anyway.

So anyway, now we’re both depressed, you’re welcome. Maybe I should go back to journaling instead of blogging.

That’s what things look like from my perspective.

Now just waiting for Irma to hit Florida, and I can’t wait until that is done and the power is back and I can hear from everyone.

 

Photo Credit Flash Meteo Antilles

Sint Maarten: In the Eye of Hurricane Irma

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Caribbean, Expats, Expats and TCKs, International Travel, Saint Martin/ Sint Maarten, , , , , , , ,

Today is one of the worst days in SXM history.

Today is the day that Hurricane Irma hit, with Jose close on its heels.

Twenty-two years ago to the day, Hurricane Luis devastated the island, wreaking havoc and destroying the homes and livelihoods of so many.

I have walked through La Belle Creole, a resort that was destroyed by Luis. The ruins of the building, blown out windows, scattered furniture, and torn drapes, became a frequent haunt of mine. I could not imagine the winds that whipped the concrete walls into such shapes.

 

 

And now it’s happening again.

Just yesterday, Saint Martin was as I remember it: 37 beautiful beaches, architecture historic and new, brightly colored homes lined up neatly at the ocean’s edge.

When I go back, nothing will be the same. All the places I love will be gone. Will I recognize beautiful Soualiga?

The places might be gone, but as long as the people are OK, that is enough.

 

Photo Credit Flash Mateo Antilles

 

There was a terrible space of a few hours when all was silent on the island. The live camera at Holland House abruptly cut out, and the outside world had no contact with the island.

Here, in my new home in Michigan, the clear, blue skies and sunshine seem to mock the screaming destruction on the island.

Finally, Saint Martin has entered the eye of the hurricane. People are emerging from their safe spaces to assess the damage and find more secure places to stay.

I breath a sigh of relief every time I saw a post on Facebook from a friend.

But I cried at each new photo and video.

The island is under water.

 

The government buildings are destroyed, said the news.

They say 7,000 French Caribbean people refused to take shelter.

They say the historic buildings are wrecked.

I can see that the cars are all destroyed. Where will people come up with the money for new cars?

I can see buildings I know with roofs ripped off and water feet deep inside.

I can see people milling about in disbelief.

The eye of Hurricane Irma is twice as large as my tiny island.

 

Photo Credit Flash Meteo Antilles

 

What do you do in times like this? I know many of my friends are safe and secure on the campus of American University of the Caribbean, a category five hurricane shelter. But many people are not there.

Many people will take shelter, but still lose their houses.

Many people have actual homes on the island, and not just rented apartments and dorms.

The maelstrom around my island is mirrored by a maelstrom in my mind.

 

Photo credit Cyriel Richardsom

 

What is sunshine?

What is birdsong?

My reality cannot be real,

Not when the storm is the only reality for my island.

There’s something painfully agonizing about not being there.

Part of me is glad I moved away before the storm.

 

Photo Credit RCI

 

Part of me wishes I was there to help with the clean up.

I know I’d be OK in the basement of the medical school.

I know I could help rebuild.

But I can’t do that from here, and it’s making me sad already.

The damage isn’t even done, and the second half of the storm is still on its way.

Some stupid article about Donald Trump’s Saint Martin home keeps landing in the top posts on Google.

Who cares about Donald Trumps freaking house?

I doubt even Donald Trump cares about his freaking house.

I don’t care about an empty vacation home on Plum Bay going down.

I care about the shipping container homes on Pond Island.

I care about the family homes and foster homes in Dutch Quarter and St. Peter’s.

I care about the little beach houses in Philipsburg.

I care about the houses of all shapes and sizes filled with people I love and people I’ve never met.

 

 

I’m amazed that GEBE survived the storm and that power is still on.

I’m thankful, too, to see posts on Facebook and Twitter.

I’m glad you are OK.

What amazes me is that in the midst of the storm, people are praising God.

In a video of the destruction, a woman thanked God for being alive, even as she showed the wreckage of her hometown and Jeep.

My friend posted this video on Facebook: Made a Way by Travis Greene.

It’s strange how so much loss puts things in perspective. When everything is lost, the people of Saint Martin are thanking God for the things they still have: their lives and each other.

Why did God let a storm like this hit Saint Martin?

I wish I had the answer to that.

But I’m glad to see that people can still say he is good when everything in their lives has suddenly been lost in the storm.

Stay strong, SXM. Stay faithful.

 

 

This storm is going to hit a lot of places, but there are those of us on the outside who are thinking of you and praying for you.

There are people who are crying tears for you even as you are in hurricane shelters.

There are people who see your pain and feel it with you.

You’ve recovered from storms before. You can do it again.

Saint Martin can’t be taken down by the wind and the rain.

 

Camping in the Middle of Detroit: Michigan Day One

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Blog, International Travel, Michigan, Nature, Spouses Organization, United States, , , , , , ,

Have you ever camped in Detroit? I didn’t think so! As it turns out, camping in Detroit is pretty hard to find. However, it is there, if only you look close enough. Believe it or not, Detroit does have its pockets of green wilderness!

 

 

Our pocket of green came in the form of an Airbnb backyard campsite in the middle of a pretty rough-looking urban area. The surprisingly beautiful neighborhood was tucked into an overgrown-looking street not too far from downtown Detroit!

 

 

The people we stayed with are pretty cool. They are both circus performers, and they created a wildlife sanctuary/ backyard campsite out of an old, boarded-up house that had been long forgotten. Inside, the house is a delightful explosion of homey Pinterest-type creativity, which the outside is a woodsy wonderland.

 

 

When we arrived, I was absolutely thrilled to walk from the dark street into a romantically-lit backyard wildlife space with room for campfires, stargazing, and wildlife watching! A people-sized wooden structure was nestled into one corner, surrounding a cozy tent. It looked like a sylvan fairyland.

Good thing our hosts provided a tent, because we accidentally left ours in the moving trailer and probably would not have survived the mosquitoes in our hammocks. We said good night to our hosts and their one-year-old son, and crawled into the tent with Kito.

 

 

Kito was not overly thrilled with the tent life. I, however, was delighted to have found an affordable and outdoorsy option for a night’s stay! After all, how often do you get to move to a new city, make friends, and stay in their backyard wonderland?

 

 

Of course, a new day brought new realities. The stars disappeared into a blue sky and out came the spiders. Did you know that Michigan has about 47 spiders per square inch? I was contemplating whether I would rather have Arizona’s scorpions or Michigan’s spiders as I watched them crawl their creepy little bodies over the outside of our tent. I bet demons have eight legs. However, a quick search on my phone revealed that none of the said spiders were poisonous– 4G is a definite perk of city camping.

The more important concerns of the day came soon enough as well. Long story short, we eventually found a perfect apartment. We had thought to buy a house since there are a lot of cheap ones on the Detroit market, but a safer apartment in the metro area is probably a better bet as we settle in.

 

 

My parents drove the entire 2,000 miles from Phoenix to Detroit with us! I don’t know what we would have done without them. Just handling the Kito factor alone would have made it tough to get anything done. While we were apartment hunting, my parents took Kito to about seven dog parks and playgrounds to run around! By the end of the day, she was wiped.

 

 

Things are starting to fall into place! It’s still pretty surreal that we are actually in Michigan right now. Do you know how long I’ve wanted to try out Midwest life? Maybe I’ll be regretting that sentiment around, say, November, but for now I’m pretty excited to see what it brings!

Moving to Michigan … To Who Knows Where

American University of the Caribbean, AUC, Spouses Organization, Uncategorized, United States, , , , , , ,

Surprise! We are moving to Michigan! Actually, it was more a surprise for us. 


Now that Ben is done with the first two years of medical school, the books and exams are behind him. Now he gets to do the fun part- shadowing doctors in hospitals! 

Ben’s medical school, American University of the Caribbean, has partnerships with hospitals all over the United States. While students do get to submit a list of prefered locations, the school assigns us to the hospital that fits best, depending on availability. It feels like one of those surprise grab bags we used to get at convenience stores as a kid. And while it made me a little nervous, it was kind of fun to have someone else decide where our next home would be. 


We had hoped to go to Bakersfield, California, the closest hospital to our home in Phoenix. However, we heard rumors that it was full, along with Baton Rouge and Detroit. That left Miami as the only available location on our list, so we planned for a Florida move. Tank tops and Spanish! We were getting prepared. 


Imagine our surprise when we got a call telling us that someone dropped out of the Michigan clinical rotations and we were next in line! We would be joining the previous class’s schedule, starting a few weeks earlier than Ben’s class and making up the Pediatrics rotation at another hospital later. We agreed! 


Ben’s clinical rotations start on August 14, so we had to leave 10 days after we got the news. Not a lot of time! We left Saturday, and we have been driving for two and a half days. We are almost there! 


We still don’t know where we are going to live, and the more we hear about Detroit, the less we know what to do. Go for a 15 thousand dollar home and risk the rough neighborhoods? Let more money slip into the black hole of rental properties but live in a safer area? I don’t know anything about Michigan, except for a little town called Fruitport that so visted two years ago for a wedding. Fruitport is a long way from Detroit. 


Well, I guess that is what we will figure out in the next couple days. We’ve know what it’s like to move far away to a place we had never been, but we’ve never showed up in a new place as a couple of homeless people and a dog! What will Michigan bring? I guess we will find out soon! This is all part od the adventure.